A is for Apology
by nicol-leoraine
Summary: A look onto Will and Helen's friendship, before and during the Depths. A character study if you will, and a slight explanation why was Will acting the way he was.


**A/N:** This story was written as a first fic for my _alphabet_soup_ challenge over at LJ. 26 fics for 26 letters, prompted by friends over at LJ. This one is in answer to a prompt by _**gone4coffee**_. Beta-read by the awesome_** Tania**_. Enjoy!

**A is for Apology**

Magnus left the room, leaving Will to his own thoughts. The drug once again coursed through his veins and pushed back the ache and tiredness, but the dose was too small to bring that rush of energy, or the great influx of knowledge like it did in the caves. Will felt giddy and he pushed the blankets aside, sitting up and gingerly taking the few steps that separated him from his couch and some files in need of revising. The wound in his side had healed nicely, but the withdrawals made him feel sore all over body and mind. Cringing, Will settled onto the couch and pulled the files onto his lap, but he didn't open them.

The conversation still hung over his head. He had asked Magnus to forgive and forget. While he got his forgiveness, the words he'd said in the cave couldn't be taken back. Now that the drug wasn't clouding his judgment that much, Will realized he went too far. While he was sure Magnus was hiding something from him, now more than ever, there were certain lines one shouldn't overstep.

His mind flashed to Abby lying on the table, blood pooling around her as the small creature chewed its way out of her, and Will shook his head to erase that picture. No, that shouldn't have happened. Magnus went too far, there must've been another way. "But what if there wasn't?" Some little voice in the back of his head asked and Will scowled, trying to shut it up. "What if she'd listened to you and Abby had died? Would it be better to blame yourself?" Will wanted to squish the voice, but he couldn't. After all, Abby didn't blame Magnus. She didn't remember much about the incident, but when she looked down at her stomach and saw the row of stitches, she didn't see the monster trying to crawl out of her. She only saw Magnus taking a risk and saving her. Abby still trusted Magnus. Why couldn't Will?

That was the question Henry had posed to him too, when he was locked up in a cell and going crazy with fear. "I trust the Doc. Why don't you?"

Had Will really lost his trust in Helen Magnus?

Frustrated by the thoughts running through his brain, Will showed the unopened files aside and leaned over, elbows on knees, hiding his face in his palms. He didn't know what to do anymore. Somewhere during the last year his trust in Magnus vanished. One could say it was when his girlfriend was attacked and started changing into an abnormal, but Will knew that wasn't the truth. It wasn't even the moment when he and Abby walked into the bedroom to find Helen Magnus sitting behind her laptop, while the world was being overrun by the abnormals from Hollow Earth. No, the moment doubt crept inside Will had been a few days later, when he was sitting in Magnus' office, drinking tea and listening to her adventures back in the past. He was watching her, mouth open in awe and wonder at the woman who survived another hundred years without going crazy, and managed to look as if nothing had happened. As if the few days Will hadn't seen her were really just days, instead of decades.

Magnus spoke of monks in Tibet, of hundred years spent in hiding, away from civilization. She smiled and sipped her tea like it was all normal. For a moment, Will believed her. He believed that if someone could survive such a long time with their sanity intact and without a new wrinkle on their face, it was Magnus. But as he listened to what she was saying, he realized that she was hiding something. He felt a chill run down his spine. Over the following weeks, Will kept watching.

Magnus has changed, and he knew things wouldn't go back to how they were before. Because somewhere along the way, Magnus has stopped trusting him. Somewhere along the way, the one and only condition Will gave upon entering Sanctuary was broken. Magnus lied to him and he didn't know what to do with it. The foundation of their friendship shook and while the building still stood, Will didn't know when the next earthquake would come and bury him under the ruins. As it was, small tremors were running through the basement, cracks appearing in the walls.

Those short moments when Magnus thought no one was watching allowed Will to see weariness in her eyes. The pain hiding deep inside, knowledge no one else was privy to lurking on the edges. The others either didn't notice or decided to ignore it, Will wasn't sure. Henry acted as if Magnus had never left, as if she wasn't 113 years older. For Henry, she was still the woman who raised him, gave him a family and a purpose. There was nothing that would break that bond between them, and Will envied it. He didn't have that luxury. After all, he was just an outsider being brought into the inner circle. Sometimes he felt like Alice in Wonderland. Like the White Rabbit, Magnus lured him into this brand new world; and Will was just waiting for the Cheshire cat to jump out from behind the nearest tree. He was living in a world of abnormals and while he wasn't prejudiced - well, against most of them - it was impossible to forget that an abnormal took away his mother.

He wasn't one of _them_. While most of the time he didn't think of the abnormals as monsters, sometimes he just couldn't help it. Some of the abnormals simply _were_ monsters. They killed people, they threatened his loved ones. He lived in a sanctuary, but while Henry, Big Guy or Magnus belonged there, he was still just a visitor. When Kate went to Hollow Earth, he felt it more than ever. She was his connection to the normal world; she was his partner in crime. While they might've not seen eye to eye on some things, she was an outsider, just like him. Now he was alone.

Until he wasn't, because there was Abby, the missing connection. Someone who could understand him, someone who could accept him. She saw both worlds and it didn't scare her away. Will thought she may be the one for him. The person who could keep him sane in a world of chaos, but one who he didn't have to lie to. As his doubts about Magnus started to grow, the relationship between him and Abby was becoming stronger. And then she was infected and the only cure Magnus could offer was the one Will was sure would kill her. His emotions overwhelmed his logical thinking. All he saw was his mother being killed by an abnormal, Clara dying because of the Cabal, and Abby being subjected to a treatment that made Aliens look like a documentary. In all of this, the abnormals were the ones surviving and Will let his anger cloud his judgment. He blurted out something he shouldn't.

He accused Magnus of caring more about the abnormal than Abby.

Will knew that wasn't true, but in that moment the anger and fear prevailed over clear thinking. He ignored the pain in Magnus' eyes, too lost in his own emotions. Later, when the situation calmed down, he remembered his words and that look on her face, but he couldn't bring himself to care. It was childish, and Will knew he should apologize for that accusation, if nothing else. But every time he opened his mouth to do so, something stopped him.

The glint of something hidden in her eyes, the tightening of lips or a stiffening posture when he stepped inside the room. There was palpable tension between him and Magnus now, and Will didn't know how to handle it. It was funny, because they worked together all the time. They had each other's back, and when out on a case, Will trusted her unconditionally. It was the moments after the fight, when the adrenaline faded and the abnormal of the day was safely tucked away, that the silence between them became oppressive. Maybe an apology could've solved it, maybe it could have rebuilt the trust between them, but Will never took that first step. Instead, he found himself digging deeper and deeper. Until he was too deep to get out.

Trapped in the cave in, injured and left with nothing else but his thoughts and Helen Magnus, all his doubts surfaced. The drug that healed his injury also unsealed his mind. While some of the things needed to be said, most of them were blurted out in a childish effort to hurt. And hurt they did.

Thinking back to those damned hours spent underground, Will clenched his teeth in frustration. When did he become so vindictive? He studied people's minds. He knew words could hurt more than physical blows, yet he was so eager to throw them at Magnus. At the woman who was trying to save Abby's life, who saved his own life several times. At the woman that opened up a whole new world for him. Whatever doubts he had, whatever she was hiding from him, it didn't excuse the fact that he hurt her. Bringing up Ashley was the lowest thing he could've done. It was something a person like Adam Worth would do. Will never thought of himself as the villain, but in that moment he wasn't any better than Worth.

Feeling ill at the mere thought, Will stood up, the files slipping to the floor, forgotten. His body protested at the sudden motion but he ignored it. Clenching his teeth, Will put on a hoodie and some sneakers, and went for a walk. He had to clear his head and come up with a way to fix things between him and Magnus. Something more than just the feeble peace offering he'd given her that afternoon.

Will managed to spend a good half hour on the north tower before Big Guy found him and ushered him back to his room, bringing him dinner. He hadn't finished eating when Henry came for a visit, regaling him with his attempts to build a personal shield, and leaving Will with the feeling that the technological aspect of it was far less important to Henry than his unborn child's opinion. Will couldn't stop the grin at the thought of Henry as a nervous father, yet he was sure the HAP would be the best one a child could wish for. The baby wasn't even born, yet Henry was ready to risk his own life for him. This brought Will's thoughts back to Magnus.

He spent over an hour mulling through the problem, his mood getting increasingly worse. When Magnus knocked on the door, he almost snapped at her, but the look at the tray carrying the medicine stopped him. He recognized the edginess as the symptom of withdrawal; just as he realized the headache and soreness he was feeling for the last hour had increased as well. Rubbing his eyes in frustration, he didn't dare to say more than a simple "Hi."

Magnus gave him a tight smile and a quick check up before administering another dose of the drug. She didn't speak until Will's face relaxed as the drug hit his bloodstream.

"Better?" she asked and Will nodded, raising a questioning eyebrow when she handed him a cup of tea.

"What's that?"

"Just a little something to help you rest. I know the drug makes you giddy but you need to sleep. It's only herbs from our friend. It's quite safe," she added when she saw him hesitate.

"I don't doubt that, I'm just wary of the taste," Will said with a smirk, then took a sip. "Not that bad," he choked out.

"Then I'll take that grimace on your face is just a side effect of the drug?" Magnus joked and Will tried to look contrite, failing miserably.

"Okay, so a little sugar wouldn't hurt," he admitted, while Magnus rolled her eyes in pretended horror. It was such a normal moment that Will felt a pang of regret. He missed this. The easy banter, the warm look in Magnus' eyes. She might've changed, heck, who wouldn't after spending 113 years on the outside of the glass door separating her from her life, waiting to come in. For him, it had been days. For her, it was a lifetime. She lost a daughter and so many friends. She could've saved Ashley, changed history, but she didn't, because she couldn't risk losing_ them._ Whatever secrets she was keeping, Will had to believe it was to keep them safe. He had to make it work again.

Sensing the change of mood, Magnus took the now empty cup from Will's hands and stood up.

"You should get some rest. I'm afraid I will have to wake you up early in the morning to administer another dose." She must've seen something in his eyes, because she gave him a reassuring smile. "It might take a while to get you clean, but you'll be just fine, Will. I promise."

Will nodded and Magnus reached out, brushing her fingers over his hair affectionately.

"Get some sleep," she said and brought his blanket up over his shoulder, almost tucking him in.

"I'm sorry," Will said softly when Magnus turned off his bedside lamp and headed for the door. She paused, her silhouette visible in the light from the hall. Will saw her body tense, then after a moment she relaxed, her shoulders sagging.

"What are you sorry for Will?" she asked and Will blinked at the weariness in her voice. Biting his lips, he let out a breath.

"I had no right... To say what I did." Hesitating, Will thought she would oppose or agree with him, but she stood silent, waiting.

"About Ashley. And Abby. " Nervously, Will cleared his throat. "I was just... Trying to hurt you. And for that, I am sorry."

He knew it wasn't enough, that it wouldn't heal the gap that was between them. But until they decided to trust each other again, it was all he could offer. Magnus stood still, her head giving a slight nod.

"I know Will. It's... Okay," she said her voice soft and warm. While she wasn't ready to forget everything that happened, she recognized the effort and sincerity. She also knew the time would come that would test their friendship more than anything ever had before. "For what it's worth, I am sorry too," she whispered to the closed door, for things to come.

**The End**


End file.
